Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg has died in the ring - like she's always wanted. The trash talking Ginsburg, 87, known for her signature wrestling move, the Jurisprudence Piledriver, in which she'd grab her opponent by the waist, turn him upside down then drop to her knees driving his head into the mat, then threaten him with sanctions and legal proceedings, was feared by many professional wrestlers. In her 25 years as a Supreme Court Justice and a freelance WWF wrestler, she sent more than a dozen men to the hospital with head, neck and spinal injuries ending their careers. Nicknamed the "Jewish Jawbreaker", she often would write an Amicus Brief in the morning, sit in a sweat lodge all afternoon then wrestle at night. "She was always on the go", said fellow Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, ''One minute she'd be ruling on the constitutionality of prison reform with regard to the death penalty, the next minute she'd be trying to get you in a Cactus Closeline or her famous Half Nelson Step Over Choke Hold". Described as a 'human dynamo in a black robe', Ginsburg was accused of taking steroids to build bulk and improve her performance in the ring, and on the bench, a charge she vehemently denied.
She was in the Houston Astro Dome at the Summer Slam Smackdown Event on Friday in a no-holds-barred tag-team grudge match with her partner Justice Anthony Kennedy. The two were pitted against Brock, (The Undertaker) Lesnar and Bobby, (The Garbageman) Gutowski. In the 4th round, Justice Kennedy had just gone to the mat, bleeding from the nose because of being hit in the face with a folding chair when he barely managed to crawl over and slap Ginsburg's right hand. Snorting hate and breathing rage, the 5ft.1, 106-pound Justice jumped into the ring grabbed Lesnar by the ears and head butted him so hard his head snapped. He went to the ground in a heap. She got on top of him and was kneeling on his throat mercilessly beating him with her stool sample all the while arguing the long-term implications of a writ of Habeas Corpus in regard to someone having been wrongly charged with a crime for which no factual evidence has been presented. "I can't breathe", Lesnar was heard to have said. Lesnar, a strict constructionist with whom Ginberg had often squabbled over the 2nd Amendment issue of gun control, screamed for Gutowski to rescue him but was too far away according to WWF all rules. Ginsberg was about to give her closing argument when Lesnar managed to break free with a stunning Hurricane Escape maneuver. He got to his feet and did a Tallahassee Torso Twister then grabbing her by her robe, flung her against the ropes, she came back at him with a Texas Roadhouse dropping him to the mat. Getting up, he countered with a devastating gut punch when she apparently suffered a massive stoke and fell over backwards, she died on the mat. The referee determined the match to be a split decision not unlike the historic Lucas vs. the State of Virginia case in which the issue of racial gerrymandering was contended, with Ginsburg and Justice Neil Gorsuch casting the dissenting votes. She will be posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Honor and the WWF Golden Champions Title Belt. "The law may have been her profession", said fellow professional wrestler and former Minnesota Governor Jesse (The Body) Ventura, "but wrestling was her passion. The Worldwide Wrestling Federation will never be the same", he said. Synagogues all over the country will fly their WWF flags at half-staff in her honor. Funeral arrangements have yet to be announced.
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